Today just sucks

i don’t normally do the the personal diary type post. when i’m feeling some shit i try to turn it into a story and blog that  but fuck that today. fuck it all today. today has been difficult and i’m not even sure why. today an old lady in my street died, but that’s not why i’ve spent half the day crying, my tears have been far more selfish. people die in this street all the time, and she was a terrible old racist, and we hardly ever spoke. i wasn’t hurt to hear she had died (sorry) i was miffed that i didn’t know. i’m the one on this street that everybody comes to, that they all talk to, or so i thought. my ego was pissed, i guess.

i never type directly into wordpress but i am now, i always go notepad, then word, then wp.  today a friend told me to fuck off. i hadn’t know her long but it hurt. she blocked me on facebook and i don’t know why and that hurts too. today life feels hard.

it all just hurts today, life hurts today. today i am a mess. this is not my usual state of being. usually i am strong and smiley but today i just want to cry and am. and now the light bulb in my room went pop and i can’t change it because it is dark so i can’t see to change it. is that what they call irony? right now my laptop is my only light. you are my only light. today is horrible and i want it to fuck off and be tomorrow or yesterday.  today i can’t write no more.

32 responses

  1. i wish i would have read this on said day, because i would have went straight up to this “today” bitch, and punched her hard in the throat, just for making my kyle cry…
    unfortunately, i was busy with my own “today” who was causing me havoc…
    maybe everyone’s “todays” get together sometimes and decide that today is the day, they are all the rag…hmmmm

    12.03.15 at 20.22

    • you are unbelievably lovable and i would love to have seen you kick my yesterday squarely in the nuts.perhaps all our yesterday’s should gang up together and kick the shit out of each other’s todays. although today, which would be yesterday’s tomorrow, but is now tomorrow’s yesterday, has been good to me. perhaps as a result of your threat. at least, i’d like to think so.

      12.03.15 at 20.39

  2. Crying is like laughing, but for deep people. 😛 You said it yourself!

    And don’t worry about changing the bulb, the one in the washroom has been broken for a month now and I still haven’t bought a new one. I can’t pee at night. x_x

    I’ll be sure send positive vibes your way today. 😀

    12.03.15 at 11.15

    • thank you for being so sweet – the day ended on a positive note and today it is sunny outside and in my heart too.

      hahaha i once peed all over the floor and my feet when that happened in my bathroom – sorry tmi

      12.03.15 at 11.39

  3. Kyle, thanks for being honest, real. And I still believe it’s this stupid evil fucking month of March! Evil I tell you!!

    And, although cliche, we’ve got to have the bad days to know the good days are good…

    And, one more thing, because I’ve got to get in the shower, I just realized yesterday that I’ve been in a manic state for about two weeks. Complete, textbook style mania. And I’m not even Bipolar! Can’t sleep, super high strung, can’t focus, fragmented, hypersexual… Oh, wait. Shit. Well, scratch that last one!

    *hugs and kisses*

    12.03.15 at 11.00

    • aw but that last one was my favourite

      12.03.15 at 11.41

  4. My last “downturn” made me wonder where those places were that people went to…where you get to wear your pajamas all day and make art…have painting class on a lawn in the sun? Where can I (we) go these days to have MY Nervous Breakdown Vacation???!!!!!!! Doesn’t that sound wonderful? Pajama Day – All Week! Feel Better!

    12.03.15 at 06.39

    • thanks, i’m having a pyjama day right now – i just wish owned some pyjamas – still, it gave the chap at the corner shop something to smile about

      12.03.15 at 09.44

      • Look at you, spreading sunshine on a sucky day-You’re better than you think!

        12.03.15 at 09.59

        • that’s not what the man in the shop said 🙂

          12.03.15 at 10.01

          • He was wondering why he had to work and how he could be free like you!

            12.03.15 at 11.33

            • i think he was wondering why i was in his shop wearing nothing but a smile and scaring off all his customers actually

              12.03.15 at 11.53

  5. Gillian Colbert

    Kyle, my sweet, this too shall pass. Tears today water tomorrow’s smiles … and that was horribly corny, but I hope you at least chuckled.

    All my best … GC

    12.03.15 at 03.40

    • thank you sweetness – “today’s tears water tomorrow’s smiles” i like it x

      12.03.15 at 09.42

  6. Sorry your having a crappy day…hope tomorrow’s better. : )

    12.03.15 at 02.15

  7. TheOthers1

    Bad moods must be contagious. Tomorrow will be a better day. It will!

    12.03.15 at 00.00

    • and it is – thank you, how did you make that happen? today it is sunny outside and in my heart too

      12.03.15 at 09.41

  8. artfulhelix

    I’m sorry! That all really sucks. And it will get better. hugs and kisses.

    12.03.14 at 22.56

    • hugs and kisses back – thanks – fear not, mew is a strong little soldier xo

      12.03.14 at 23.03

      • artfulhelix

        I know, hope things are a little better today. xo

        12.03.15 at 17.03

        • and they are – ta

          12.03.15 at 17.18

  9. Anonymous

    better off closing all the lights and listening to some music and shutting off the entire universe. sad write and heartfelt.Thanks for sharing. I learned something new from your blog, you might think it’s petty and really non-techy savvy, but those three steps in writing sounds better than what I do (which is write straight onto wordpress). I guess that’s not such a good idea! What do I know /it’s only been a few months I’m at wordpress. Live and learn..seriously, take it easy.

    12.03.14 at 22.55

    • thanks, whoever you are

      12.03.14 at 23.04

  10. We all have bad days babe… some of us just do it better than others. You have every right in the world to be pissed-off, upset, stressed out or whatever the hell else you might be feeling… it’s your universe doll, live in it any damn way you please. Tomorrow will be a different day – a better day. Screw yesterday, it’s gone for a reason.
    As for the light… I find the dark is more sympathetic towards teary eyes anyways.

    12.03.14 at 22.54

  11. *hugs* xx

    Normally takes me 2 weeks to change my lightbulb, sat around in the dark with the tv for light. I quite like it until morning when I can’t see to do my make up, then I’m quite amusing to others as I look an idiot 😉

    12.03.14 at 22.38

    • thank you for making me smile for the first time today

      12.03.14 at 23.01

  12. Man that sucks! We have all had shitty days. Some of mine were so bad that I would never write about them. I can laugh about my embarrassing moments those are so different…It’s too bad that the day is almost over there, the sun is shining here. Just know that it will get better. It always does.

    12.03.14 at 22.32

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