My mate Karl is an ass. He’s sexist and racist and a homophobe. He is, in fact, an all round bigot. He works in what he refers to as ‘security’: what he means is that he throws drunks out of clubs for a living.
He refuses, point blank to go down on a woman, he says its disgusting. Wait though, it get’s worse, because although he won’t perform cunnilingus, he’s quite happy to recieve a blow job. Sometimes I want to slap him, but he is three times my size. And, it gets worse still; if a woman has sucked his dick, he won’t kiss her afterwards.
We get high together, a lot, and we play video games. We play Tekken and he has beaten me 823 times. I have beaten him 12 times, but I have enjoyed every one of those victories more than he has his, and he refuses to play me at chess, ever again, checkers and tic-tac-toe too.
I was a bit worried about posting about him and using his real name, but then I remembered, he thinks reading is gay.
Why am I his friend? Because we’ve lived round the corner from each other for 20 years, I guess, and we support the same football team. Mostly though, because he is always happy to see me and always greets me with the biggest, most genuine smile that you could ever wish to get.