I am sorry to inform you, but sadly Mrs Bucket has passed away. She was found here in Kyle’s office this morning, clutching a picture of his unimpressive dick, having drowned in a sizeable pool of her own love juice.
My name is Sally Dofuckall, and I will be taking over until Kyle returns, which should not be long. He sends his kindest regards and says he is having a great abduction, he is particularly enjoying the orifice probes that these aliens so like to employ. He has met God, who he thought was a dicksplash and Elvis, who he thought was a god. He say’s that Joan of Arc gives great head and that Mother Teresa is into fisting.
I found this poem in his drafts. I hope he doesn’t mind me publishing it, I’m not sure it is finished.
i wanna dance with you
i wanna romance with you
i wanna fly with you
and get high with you
i wanna cry with you
i wanna die for you
i wanna come in you
and have fun with you
i wanna sleep with you
or count sheep with you
if we can’t
I was able to find only one draft of Mr Mew’s that was suitable for publication. I hope that my removal of certain profanities has not detracted from your enjoyment in any way.
i want you to ★★★★ my ★★★★
i wanna make you ★★★★
because i think you rock
and i know it would be fun
i wanna ★★★★ you in the ★★★
and ★★★★ on your ★★★★
because you make me laugh
and i love you to bits
please let me me kiss your ★★★★★
and worship your ★★★★
i know this might sound wussy
but its always worth a punt.
Until next time, please do have fun, just not too much.
Mr Mew has gone missing.
From the note he left, we believe he has been abducted by aliens; the note read “help! i am being abducted by aliens!”
My name is Ertha Bucket and I have been hired as a temp to maintain this, so called, weblog during Kyle’s absence and probable recuperation.
Let me tell you something, there are going to be a lot of changes round here. I’ve read your about page Mr Mew, and I know full well why you type in lower case, and let me say that I think it is disgusting. There will be plenty of capitalisation while I am in charge, and there will be NO MASTURBATING WHATSOEVER and that goes for you, the reader, too. If you want to condemn yourself to hell, then you can find somewhere else to continue your sorry, depraved journey. I have never so much as even touched myself below my own navel and when I once caught a glance (accidentally) of my own vagina in a mirror, I was almost sick.
I will be posting pictures of cute kittens with funny captions and maybe some recipes on how to make decent marmalade and probably some morally enhancing passages from The Bible.
I have been asked to look through Mr Mew’s recent drafts and post anything I find there. I will of course censor it and remove any profanities and sexual content that is any more explicit than kissing, between married couples, and I have to say I find that rather filthy, but I do try to be modern.
Thank you for visiting this weblog, please continue to do so, and I will do my very best to keep you all thoroughly entertained. I am now going to have a look at your weblogs. I am sure that they are all very sweet and uplifting and not like some of the perverted debauchery I have found here or on Mr Mew’s laptop computer today when I opened a folder who’s title I had misread and had thought it was called ‘Prom’, expecting to see romantic pictures of him and his childhood sweetheart.
Take care everyone. It is delightful to meet you all and I am glad to make your acquaintances.
Yours, most terribly sincerely,
Mrs. E. Bucket.